Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
