I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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