did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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