Be still, my beating vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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