Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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