he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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