I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
