Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
