I feel like abortions should bother me more
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You need Xanax blowdarts
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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