I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
