dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
