theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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