6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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