I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
