I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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