ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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