Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
