I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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