This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
