So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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