how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
