you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
