Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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