dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
