so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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