ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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