i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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