I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
