I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
there is glitter all over my balls
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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