Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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