chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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