I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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