And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
