I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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