i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
