so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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