I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
