the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
