I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
