Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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