I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
