it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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