I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
