You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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