she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
