I didn't shave. On purpose
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
