I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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