so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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