I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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