Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
