i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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