If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
