I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
