This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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