Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
