A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize