too bad you live with your parents still
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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