My brain says no but my pants say off.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
