I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
