never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
