i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
