I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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