I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you inspire me to be a worse person
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
