i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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