i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
