I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
