Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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