guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
