I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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