It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
