don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
