you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
