I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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