end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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