So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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